The twisted thoughts of the Kellimoose

The beautiful sounds of Space

2009-12-13T07:04:46Z

The sounds of Mother Gaia fade away as the sounds of eternal space begin to fill my head as I travel upwards into the highest reaches of the atmosphere that protects Mother Gaia's children from the extreme energy and light of father Sun. Sense of time is distorted, all bodily senses long gone once reaching this higher state above the calm skies of Mother Gaia in which my spirit may take me on magnificent journey throughout the different worlds and visions of Grandfather Creation and his amazing children of thought. Flowing freely my mind races across vast amounts of space, sense of time still distorted, as if I could travel billions of light years in one nano-second. My mind, no longer attached to the physical body, the mortal human shell of grandfather's design, so perfect and flawless, taking an eternal journey through grandfather's wonderful creation.

But what is this? A sense of loss. Isn't loss a feeling of chemical reactions inside the human shell? It must be, because there are no other senses or feelings. But what is this sense of loss? What could this spirit possibly be missing?

Searching and wondering, I called out to grandfather: "I am finally free! But I don't feel complete! What is wrong grandfather, why am I not complete if I am able to feel free? Isn't being free, being complete?"

Grandfather's essence melded into mine own, 'Free? Everyone is free. Even in a mortal human shell, one is free. Certainly it is known. You are free. Everyone is free. Being complete isn't necessarily being free from thy mortal human shell. Go. You are not complete. It is not your time for another lifestream'

Instantaneously, I felt a rush of senses. Smell. Taste. Hear. Touch and finally sight. I could feel the presence of those around me, watching me as I slowly opened my eyes to observe where I was. I was free! Why did I have to be brought back here!! I thought to myself as I gazed around the room, observing everything.

The words of grandfather pulsed through my consciousness: You are free. Everyone is free. But you are not complete.

I could not understand this, where did the sense of loss come from? I then glanced over and saw her; her teary eyes glittering as gold in the sun, her smile as beautiful as a twilight scenery in the rural mountains.

Then grandfathers words made sense to me, as quick as a knife could stab through human flesh: Without her, I am not complete.

This is bullshit

2009-11-26T02:35:50Z

I hate this fucking bullshit drama my mom causes all the damn time.

I can't wait to find a job so I don't have to talk to her anymore, ever again.

Let the music take control

2009-11-23T19:10:32Z

The pumping beat courses through conscious thought, bringing forth the vibe of positive fluidity of expanding vibes. This power, coursing through the minds of humanity, expanding sub-conscious entities of everlasting singularity. Changing formless patterns of universal consciousness and simple processes. Programming simple minds, expanding complex senses of reality given forth by the singularity of creation, of the universe. Deny those who seek to control through fear, hate, and death.

Let the music take control, the only control. The control of the singularity, the control of the universe, of creation.

Let the music take control.

Its weird..

2009-11-19T08:38:15Z

How when you think about expressing things about your feelings in the form of extremely subtle hints more so than you have been doing, or through emo-poems to someone indirectly, because you're such a pussy and afraid of the outcome, that things transpire and that person in fact expresses their feelings to you; therefore, breaking the icy barrier that your mind created through fear of rejection and fear of following something that wouldn't work the way you wanted it to. Selfishness, when it comes to mental well-being and emotion, is a good thing. I didn't know this until my discussion tonight with a very close, beautifully gorgeous friend of mine. It then hit me; why am I being so afraid? Why am I hiding behind this transparent icy wall, holding back how I feel about this person, putting my mind/soul through the torment of hiding how I really feel about this beautiful human being?

GOD! It feels like a big weight has been taken off my shoulders, to find out how this person felt towards me! It feels like the Golden Path (Dune reference :P) has been laid before me, ready for me to grab a hold of the strings of the future and give it a big yank, and climb my way towards what I really want; to be happy with myself, and in turn, make this beautiful woman happier!

I feel kind of foolish for not bringing it up sooner to her, but I had this grand vision within my head to bring it up in person when she came to visit because I thought it would have been better that way. Well, I'm glad I was proven wrong!! Cause if I wasn't proven wrong, I could have been too late, just like Greg told me I was going to be if I didn't 'just do it' (Thanks for trying to push me Greg, appreciated man!)

I guess I'm just trying to say thank you. Thank you for deciding its time to tell me how you feel because in turn, I was able to tell you (remember, like is an understatement!!!) my feelings as well. Releasing a big weight so to speak, off of my shoulders and presenting me with what I need to do with myselfvin order to become closer when you move up here. Something both of us want. I've wanted it for some time now. And now, I have the chance to finally get something in my life that I've always wanted.

Thank you again, thank you so much! There is not enough ways in the human vocabulary to express the thanks I have towards you. The thanks for you being there when I needed someone to cry to, the thanks for being there when I needed someone to turn to, the thanks for being there when I needed to talk to someone.

The thanks, for just being.

Being you.

Synaptic Error

2009-11-08T01:33:57Z

The name of my new song. Its totally killer, and totally bangin' Dark Psy. I know for a fact that when I get it fully Mixed-down, this song is going to be another one of my masterpieces!! Right now I'm just thinking of where to take the song..I have an awesome quote from Blade Runner and the 32 beats after the tiny breakdown = Amazing!!

I just have to figure out where to go with it now..Another breakdown? Keep the energy going for another 32 beats and just take something away and keep doing it for 64 more beats, then break it down?

I hope after some epic Xbox action, I will know which direction to take it!!!! Time to jam the fuck out to some Dark Psy on the way to town >:]

I miss you my dear friend, I hope you're alright!!!!!

A cataclysm of epic proportions

2009-11-07T08:17:13Z

Don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable.

I stole it from a friend on Facebook but I don't give a fuck. Its truth!

Don't go thinking weird things now, you wasscawwy wabbit!! xD

Death Is The Ultimate Dilemma

2009-10-31T05:55:09Z

Well I chat with Chi-Gu Kom sometimes and he linked me up to his new song and oh boy this shit is awesomely aggressive and IN YOUR FACE!!! I'm going to try to mix some Dark Psy with it when I can get the chance >:]

Well anyways, two/three weeks sober! I haven't touched green for about two/three weeks (I can't remember...Which is sad as hell xD) and I'm pretty proud of myself. I don't really want to do it anymore, but when it comes around, its so hard to stop myself from doing it because I'm so depressed... Gah, life sucks the big monkey testicles a lot of the time!! xD

I sometimes wonder if I'm from the Stars in one of my past lives...I'm so in love with the stars and the Universe, it makes me ponder strange things...

*Sigh* I need to find something to occupy my life.. I also need a job...

...I need a life...

So, I'm late! I'm late! For a very important date! No time to say hello; goodbye...

2009-10-25T00:50:48Z

I'M LATE I'M LATE I'M LATE!!!!

So something I just noticed.... The DJ is using Serato on my template, LMFAO!!!!

Anyways; I wish my mom hadn't have taken her camera to Colorado, so I could take pictures of the beautiful fall colours that are around my home up here in Mink Creek. I'm so excited! I haven't seen FALL for three years! Arizona totally sucks when it comes to the changing of the seasons :'(

Well here we go for some updates;

Wednesday: I found out that Brooke was okay and still alive! I was pretty worried about her because she's like the only best friend I have left in this world and I don't know what I would do with myself, or my insanity if I were to lose her :( I also went and hung out with Emily and her boyfriend Dakota, and we went to SCA Fighter Practice and I put on some armour 'n shit and donned a shield and went for it. Again, I have black and purple bruises on my left hip/ass area...I need to learn how to block my shit more!! Afterwards, we went to the Village Inn and chilled 'n shit.

Thursday: Absolutely nothing. Just chilled, was bored, talked shit on shady pedophile Promoters in Phoenix, ate, and played some Final Fantasy II (the remade NES version on the Playstation)

Friday: Nothing much really until the afternoon. Went and hung out with my friend Krystal and her boyfriend Jeff. Met up with them at Walmart (they were shopping) and then gave them a ride back to their house. Me and Krystal played some Tekken 2 and had some good rounds, and then Jeff went to bed and we watched Where The Buffalo Roam and I must say that I have another new hero in my life; Doctor Hunter S. Thompson. I was supposed to go play Magic: The Gathering with my buddy but was hanging out with Krystal and didn't leave until late at night and Monson was asleep by then.. The thing about Krystal is that she's in a Polyamorous relationship with Jeff and well, she told me one night that she loves me. Which is fine, I've been told that by many people I don't have feelings like that for but it makes me wonder as to why I can't have people I DO HAVE THESE FEELINGS FOR, to fall in love with me.. Its like, 'Wtf Universe? Can't I create this reality, or do you have to hate on me and fuck me over 'n shit?!'

I am 100000010% that I love someone, but I'm not sure if they love me and quite frankly, it is kind of scary....Anywho; onto more day updates.

Today, Saturday: I didn't do much really, except laze about, eat food and watch a bit of college football. Programmed a tiny, and I mean TINY bit, lol. I am actually going to get in the shower and get ready to head to Preston, to go play some Magic: The Gathering with the Monson. I hope Brooke is okay after having her Chameleon pass on last night.. It sucks to lose loved ones, especially pets!

More updates to come, probably later tonight!

Post Script (aka P.S. :P) If you read this tonight Brookie and you want to chat, you should txt my phone plz? I wanna chat with ju ^_^

The power of friendship is amazing!

2009-10-21T21:28:55Z

There once was a spider who hid in the dark. On his web of sorrow, away from the light. Away from life, away from happiness. This poor spider did nothing but moap. "Oh, why am I stuck here in the dark on my web of sorrow I've created, to catch unsuspecting travellers and gobble them up? Why must I be this way?"

Then along came a butterfly. This butterfly was extremely gorgeous. Very beautiful. This butterfly followed happiness, followed light. This butterfly knew about the 'nasty' spider in the corner of existence and its web of sorrow, but dared to venture close to try to befriend the poor spider. Not out of pity, but out of the love of life and friendship. The butterfly flew around and around the web, but ventured too close in her flight of trying to spot the spider, and got caught in the web of the spider.

"Ah ha!" the spider yelped, scurrying out of the darkness into the view of the butterfly, "I have you now!"
The butterfly could see the spider. What a handsome fellow he was!
She then asked, "Why do you do this handsome spider? Why do you hide in the darkness on this web of sorrow, preying on unsuspecting visitors who are full of life, happiness and full of light??"
The spider smirked lightly and spoke softly, "To be honest my dear, beautiful butterfly. No one has ever purposely ventured my way such as you and for that, I congratulate you...But I am hungry for life, so I must sedate you and eat you at a later time."
The butterfly just smiled at the spider, "Must you really?" she asked lightly, "Must you really steal the life and happiness of others? Has it helped you so far? Have you become any more happy, or full of life?"

The spider looked down and pondered, Well, this beautiful creature speaks the absolute truth...I am not happier, I am not more full of life..She must be tricking me, so she can save herself..I'm not stupid, I wont fall for this! He then looked up and smiled, "My dear butterfly, your trickery will not work on me so you may save your own life. For that, I will spare you the pain of suffering, and just eat you now!

As the spider advanced she just smiled more and spoke softly, "You don't have many friends, do you?". The spider stopped and looked at her, puzzled. "I do believe that's why you do this.. You have no one that cares about you, no one that would call you a friend, so you hate those who do have friends.. You hate those who are able to be happy and full of life. Well, handsome spider, would I not be a friend? I DID come here purposely to find and talk to you, but was entangled in your negative and sorrowful web you've spun and hidden yourself in...I have come to bring you the findings of friendship. The findings of happiness. The findings of Love. The findings of light. Come with me! Leave this forsaken web of sorrow and negativity and come into the light of existence, the happiness of life!"

The spider fely a wave of shock through him. Is this a trick? Is she serious? Who would love me? Who would want to be my friend?

The spider spoke calmly, "And if I release you, you will not leave me here in the darkness?"

The butterfly shook her head, "Never."

The spider scurried over to where she was caught, and undid her, allowing her to flap her glorious and beautiful wings.

"Now handsome fellow, give me a strand of a web, so I may take you to happiness, to friendship, life, and more importantly; LOVE

The spider then gave the magnificent butterfly a strand of his web, and she flew of into the light of existence, to a place she knew the spider would be able to build a new web..But this time of happiness, friendship and more importantly:

LOVE

My new biography...Good enough for an entry, hah!

2009-10-21T21:00:32Z

I just want to be loved for who I am, without anything else. I want to be able to help people with my music, and the knowledge I have about things. I want to create. I love creating things be it music, stories, programs, websites, love, affection, whatever! Creation is awesome! I don't understand people who deny the existence of Creation, like people who don't believe in God or a creator. How can you deny an existence of something so powerful, so TRUE??

I don't get it.. I probably will not ever understand those thoughts. I used to feel that way, but that's because I was confused, and thought it was 'the cool thing to do', to blame the creation of my own reality on God and Creator Source.

As fragments of Creator (as God is a fragment of Creator Source), we have the ability to create. I know this for fact, because I create things. Stories, music, programs, I have the ability to Create. I create my own reality, as does everyone else.

We cause what effects us!

I wish I knew more about Chemistry.

2009-10-21T20:51:19Z

I really wish I knew more about Chemistry. I've always been fascinated with Chemistry, and how things of that nature work, but I never really got into it too much. I guess its because there was too much Mathematics involved (and I hate Mathematics, hahah) or something like that...

I have came across some information on being able to make something that I enjoy, and I could get some money off of it as well, if done properly...I don't really want to go down that road but hell. If I could do this (and at a very low cost with double profit) and make the profit then why not? xD

On to other things, I've been pretty disheartened as of late.. Something inside me is picking at my brain which is essentially, picking at my Mind and eating away at it slowly..I wonder if its the fact that my ex girlfriend Sariah pops into my life every so often and then that gets me thinking about my past relationships which in turn causes me to think stupid things about who I am and why I am here on this solidified molten planet. I sent a Forwarded E-mail to people on my Google Mail Compose List (I don't save contacts, it does it for me :P) and I knew I sent it to my ex psycho girlfriend Mandi and told myself that I shouldn't do it, but I did it anyways.. Then yesterday, that evil woman messaged me up on my atharianknight yahoo messenger account and wasn't a bitch, but wasn't nice.. She asked me why I forwarded her e-mails and to take her off my list. That was all, nothing bad really. I guess it just bothers me because I'm still not over what she did to me for two years.

I don't get it. Things were going great between me and her and then all of the sudden, BAM! BOOM! POOF! Everything we had was gone, and shit was horrible. I don't get it..Was it something I did? Was it all her fault like I try to say? Was it all my fault like she tries to say? Was it both our faults? Was I not good enough for her? Was she not good enough for me?

I just don't get it. I know it was a learning experience for me and I was supposed to learn not to fall head over heels for someone I hardly know and get to know this person before taking on a completely intimate and significant other-esque relationship, but why did it have to end the way it did? Why couldn't I still be friends with her? Why did I have to fall for her bullshit and deal with her manipulating, self-centered, selfish, egocentric self? Was it my love for her? Was it the love (yes, there WAS love there) she showed me? Was I just a lonely young adult in the United States' fifth largest city and clung onto the first person to show me affection?

There was one thing that did come out of that relationship, that was a great thing that happened to me. Meeting Brooke through my friend Greg. I really have to thank Greg for this one because if it wasn't for him, I probably would still be in pain, in a horrible relationship that ate away at my soul, my mind

If it wasn't for Brooke, I wouldn't have been able to 'see the light' so to speak. To be able to look past the darkness I was engulfed in, and see the kindness that those who practice the art of being Humane, would have shown me. I thank you Greg, and especially thank you, Alicia!

So now, onto other ramblings of my mind: When in the hell am I going to have a significant other that loves me just as much as I love them?

I hate being alone..Well, I'm not really 'alone' but I am freaking lonely... I want romance, I miss it..I miss waking up to someone I love, seeing them still asleep and feeling their breath on my face as I stare unto their sleeping consciousness, smiling when they wake and look me in the eyes, me kissing their lips softly and wishing this beautiful person a good and merry morning. I miss holding hands with the person I love. I miss holding them tightly after not being able to see them because of work or school.

I miss being loved...

kellimus @ 2009-10-12T20:09:00

2009-10-13T02:10:18Z

FUCK LIFE, LOVE, FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Psy-Trance

2009-10-04T00:59:36Z

Psytrance + Good system = Glorious == Win

Hmmm....

2009-10-04T00:26:24Z

Why are people falling in love with me, except the one I want to fall for me!??!?! Maybe she already has fallen for me, lmfao.

I hope so :(

Hardstyle?

2009-10-04T00:17:55Z

Spear has proven to me that Hardstyle can be pretty sick!!!

I do.

2009-10-03T23:46:50Z

Love you.

Wow!!

2009-09-18T20:17:58Z

I haven't been on here in FOREVER!!! Thanks to Brooke, I am going to start posting on here more :)

Thanks Brookie!!!

Confusion

2006-04-26T00:37:47Z

Poem time ^_^

The tears of sadness run down my cheek, why do I have to be considered a geek...?
I gaze into the darkness of my past, how long is this really gonna last...?
I sigh as I feel as the pain gather in my heart, the ever growing sorrow is like a protruding dart...
I feel a tear hit the dry skin of my cheek, why does this have to be greek...?
I don't understand them at all, everytime I am with them, I want to bawl...
The keepers of my heart... Will they make it fall apart...?

How ya like it? I like it.. I guess, lol!

My first entry

2006-04-15T10:35:09Z

Well, I finally joined because of my friend Treezey. That whore! (Just kidding hun, I swear on my life!)

Well.. What's shakin' bacon?