There once was a spider who hid in the dark. On his web of sorrow, away from the light. Away from life, away from happiness. This poor spider did nothing but moap. "Oh, why am I stuck here in the dark on my web of sorrow I've created, to catch unsuspecting travellers and gobble them up? Why must I be this way?"

Then along came a butterfly. This butterfly was extremely gorgeous. Very beautiful. This butterfly followed happiness, followed light. This butterfly knew about the 'nasty' spider in the corner of existence and its web of sorrow, but dared to venture close to try to befriend the poor spider. Not out of pity, but out of the love of life and friendship. The butterfly flew around and around the web, but ventured too close in her flight of trying to spot the spider, and got caught in the web of the spider.

"Ah ha!" the spider yelped, scurrying out of the darkness into the view of the butterfly, "I have you now!"
The butterfly could see the spider. What a handsome fellow he was!
She then asked, "Why do you do this handsome spider? Why do you hide in the darkness on this web of sorrow, preying on unsuspecting visitors who are full of life, happiness and full of light??"
The spider smirked lightly and spoke softly, "To be honest my dear, beautiful butterfly. No one has ever purposely ventured my way such as you and for that, I congratulate you...But I am hungry for life, so I must sedate you and eat you at a later time."
The butterfly just smiled at the spider, "Must you really?" she asked lightly, "Must you really steal the life and happiness of others? Has it helped you so far? Have you become any more happy, or full of life?"

The spider looked down and pondered, Well, this beautiful creature speaks the absolute truth...I am not happier, I am not more full of life..She must be tricking me, so she can save herself..I'm not stupid, I wont fall for this! He then looked up and smiled, "My dear butterfly, your trickery will not work on me so you may save your own life. For that, I will spare you the pain of suffering, and just eat you now!

As the spider advanced she just smiled more and spoke softly, "You don't have many friends, do you?". The spider stopped and looked at her, puzzled. "I do believe that's why you do this.. You have no one that cares about you, no one that would call you a friend, so you hate those who do have friends.. You hate those who are able to be happy and full of life. Well, handsome spider, would I not be a friend? I DID come here purposely to find and talk to you, but was entangled in your negative and sorrowful web you've spun and hidden yourself in...I have come to bring you the findings of friendship. The findings of happiness. The findings of Love. The findings of light. Come with me! Leave this forsaken web of sorrow and negativity and come into the light of existence, the happiness of life!"

The spider fely a wave of shock through him. Is this a trick? Is she serious? Who would love me? Who would want to be my friend?

The spider spoke calmly, "And if I release you, you will not leave me here in the darkness?"

The butterfly shook her head, "Never."

The spider scurried over to where she was caught, and undid her, allowing her to flap her glorious and beautiful wings.

"Now handsome fellow, give me a strand of a web, so I may take you to happiness, to friendship, life, and more importantly; LOVE

The spider then gave the magnificent butterfly a strand of his web, and she flew of into the light of existence, to a place she knew the spider would be able to build a new web..But this time of happiness, friendship and more importantly:



LOVE

I really wish I knew more about Chemistry. I've always been fascinated with Chemistry, and how things of that nature work, but I never really got into it too much. I guess its because there was too much Mathematics involved (and I hate Mathematics, hahah) or something like that...

I have came across some information on being able to make something that I enjoy, and I could get some money off of it as well, if done properly...I don't really want to go down that road but hell. If I could do this (and at a very low cost with double profit) and make the profit then why not? xD

On to other things, I've been pretty disheartened as of late.. Something inside me is picking at my brain which is essentially, picking at my Mind and eating away at it slowly..I wonder if its the fact that my ex girlfriend Sariah pops into my life every so often and then that gets me thinking about my past relationships which in turn causes me to think stupid things about who I am and why I am here on this solidified molten planet. I sent a Forwarded E-mail to people on my Google Mail Compose List (I don't save contacts, it does it for me :P) and I knew I sent it to my ex psycho girlfriend Mandi and told myself that I shouldn't do it, but I did it anyways.. Then yesterday, that evil woman messaged me up on my atharianknight yahoo messenger account and wasn't a bitch, but wasn't nice.. She asked me why I forwarded her e-mails and to take her off my list. That was all, nothing bad really. I guess it just bothers me because I'm still not over what she did to me for two years.

I don't get it. Things were going great between me and her and then all of the sudden, BAM! BOOM! POOF! Everything we had was gone, and shit was horrible. I don't get it..Was it something I did? Was it all her fault like I try to say? Was it all my fault like she tries to say? Was it both our faults? Was I not good enough for her? Was she not good enough for me?

I just don't get it. I know it was a learning experience for me and I was supposed to learn not to fall head over heels for someone I hardly know and get to know this person before taking on a completely intimate and significant other-esque relationship, but why did it have to end the way it did? Why couldn't I still be friends with her? Why did I have to fall for her bullshit and deal with her manipulating, self-centered, selfish, egocentric self? Was it my love for her? Was it the love (yes, there WAS love there) she showed me? Was I just a lonely young adult in the United States' fifth largest city and clung onto the first person to show me affection?

There was one thing that did come out of that relationship, that was a great thing that happened to me. Meeting Brooke through my friend Greg. I really have to thank Greg for this one because if it wasn't for him, I probably would still be in pain, in a horrible relationship that ate away at my soul, my mind

If it wasn't for Brooke, I wouldn't have been able to 'see the light' so to speak. To be able to look past the darkness I was engulfed in, and see the kindness that those who practice the art of being Humane, would have shown me. I thank you Greg, and especially thank you, Alicia!


So now, onto other ramblings of my mind: When in the hell am I going to have a significant other that loves me just as much as I love them?

I hate being alone..Well, I'm not really 'alone' but I am freaking lonely... I want romance, I miss it..I miss waking up to someone I love, seeing them still asleep and feeling their breath on my face as I stare unto their sleeping consciousness, smiling when they wake and look me in the eyes, me kissing their lips softly and wishing this beautiful person a good and merry morning. I miss holding hands with the person I love. I miss holding them tightly after not being able to see them because of work or school.



I miss being loved...

FUCK LIFE, LOVE, FUCK EVERYTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!